The night before New Year’s Eve (so, New Year’s Eve Eve?), I was writing in my new planner, preparing myself for what this new year would bring. The cool thing about this planner is that it, not only has the planner-like qualities, but it also has journal/self-help qualities as well! It allows you to reflect on the past year, and focus on the things you want to bring into the new one!

One of the sections was a “heart check,” asking questions such as, “What do I need to let go of?” and “Who do I need to forgive?”

I thought of my usual things for the first question (insecurities, self-deprecating thoughts, etc.), but then the next thing I thought was Anger/Hate towards my job. If you know me well, you know that there probably isn’t a day that goes by in which I don’t express my despise towards my job, the one in which I teach 2-year-olds. Now, it’s not that I dislike the two-year-olds or their parents, it’s honestly just the leadership aspect. There can be hypocrisy, lying, and just other negative actions that cause me to have a negative perspective of my workplace. Honestly, if one of my best friends didn’t work there with me, I probably would have quit by now.

But to admit that I was ready to let go of this anger and hate towards my job was huge for me. I realized that I was allowing this negative thinking because I wanted to release my feelings, but I wasn’t giving myself a chance to change the narrative of my loathing. Surely, this much disdain towards an occupation/location is sure to leak into other areas of my life, and I can see that in some way sit has.

Now, talk about a double-whammy when I answered the question, “Who do I need to forgive?” with MY BOSS’S NAME. Now, had she done anything personally to me in which I had to forgive? Well, sort of. She always talks about being on her employees’ side, yet I see quite the opposite when an employee asks a question, and she answers them in a way that makes them feel stupid, or doesn’t even have an answer for them, forcing them to ask other staff members. There are other things that have occurred that I’m not at liberty to write about, but just trust me when I say that the mere thought of forgiving this woman was another major growing step for me.

I know as a Christian, we’re called to forgive like we’ve been forgiven, but we preach it easier than we act upon it. It’s easier to gossip about how hard work is, and how difficult your boss is over wine with friends than it is to actively forgive and let go of the harsh feelings.

Venting/ranting about it may feel good, but I have a feeling (and have witnessed) that letting go and forgiving will feel even better.

So, I aim to do my part in letting go and forgiving in the best ways I can. It doesn’t mean that I’ll be perfect at it, or that I won’t vent a time or two, but I’m praying that God can allow me to move past these things, despite the frustrations I face, and push my heart towards being more forgiving.

And I have a feeling that, as I learn to let go and forgive more, I’ll feel freer as well.

What are some things you need to let go of? Who do you need to forgive? What are ways in which you an actively participate in these things?

Mishy 🦋