what you got.

I’ve been listening to this awesome podcast recently called Pray Plan Slay. Honestly, it’s really been helping me with where I am in my craft and in my life, and motivating me to just keep going and working!

One main point that the host Shaunté Saphire made was to work with what you got. A lot of the time I find myself thinking, “If I just had this, THEN I’d be able to create this the way I want, or if I just had more money, I could afford to do this and make it look more professional.” And while it isn’t bad to want to make things as best as they can be, or to want things to improve my creative process, it is bad to completely stop the creative process and progress of something just because I don’t have those things!

But What About the “S” Word?

Some people may read this, and think that working with what they have in front of them means they’re SETTLING…that they’ve given up on the grand vision they have for something, and are throwing out a cheap version of it instead, just to say they did it. Honestly, a part of me felt this way; why would I not wait for my vision to come to fruition if I know the rushed version won’t be as good?

I believe in both honestly: there is a time to wait and be patient for things to come to life. But in that waiting, that doesn’t mean you should completely stop your process! Maybe you’re waiting to hear from someone, or to get money for something. Well, the money doesn’t just fall in your lap; what do you do? You save. You’re waiting, but you’re actively waiting, still accomplishing smaller steps so that the bigger picture can come to life.

So, don’t use the “Well, if I do something now, then I’ll just be settling,” excuse to stop you from working with what you have right in front of you! Think of all the things you do have: What materials could you use? What friends could you call on to help you? What connections might you be able to utilize right now as you build and move forward?

And most importantly, what can you make with all the resources at your fingertips? Not everything has to be perfect; sometimes things just need to be done, as Saphire says. You can always go back and edit or revamp as you need to!

She also makes a valid point: how can we be expected to be given a lot more things to handle, when we can’t even manage the things we have right now? Now is the time to take care of whatever resources you have in your hands right now, and prove that you are capable of handling them, so that when the time comes for more opportunities to be placed in your lap, it is clear that you can deal with them properly because you took care of what you had in the beginning!

I write this to encourage myself as much as I’m encouraging you: WORK👏🏽WITH👏🏽WHAT👏🏽YOU👏🏽GOT! See that there are awesome possibilities you’ve got with the things in front of you! Believe that you’ll learn to manage more as you manage those things!

The podcast inspired me to write this, along with me attempting to write some visions I wanted to happen. I kind of started getting overwhelmed, so I wrote down the question: What do I have? I answered it accordingly, then asked myself, Okay, what can you create with that? I encourage you all to do this exercise! The answers don’t have to be deep, but it will help you realize that you can accomplish much with what you think is just “a little.”

What do you have in your hands right now? How can you utilize those things?

Mishy 🦋💕

From the Drafts: “remind(s) me of you.”

The following poem is taken from r.h. sin’s poetry book i hope this reaches her in time, and this along with an event that happened around the time I read it for the first time inspired me to write the poem below “remind(s) me of you.”

“sin’s choice”

realizing that I didn’t
have the courage to love you
in the way you needed
I let you go.
because you couldn’t
I did it for you.

– r.h. sin


“remind(s) me of you.”

“The poem above reminds me of you.

It reminds me of the lies I thought you’d said, how
You used to make me feel like I wasn’t enough.
You left saying it was for the best, for my best,
But you were just being selfish and
Found other women to satisfy your urges that I
Never could’ve.
Our story became a game of tennis, or
Better yet…you were a boomerang.
I’d throw you out into the ether just to have you
Come back again.

For a while, I believed that you meant well,
But your words fell flat when your actions were lacking.
So I got used to being let down by you.
You taught me that love is just something that’s too good to be true.
You made no effort – yet you begged me for mine.
And instead of ignoring your pleas, I gave it to you, I
Fell for your lies about caring for me.
You played the boy who cried wolf, always
Claiming you’d be there for me,
But you never showed.

No…you never showed.

And now, you’ll never have the chance to speak to me again.
Your efforts have been blocked, your lies
Deleted from my phone so I
Never have to hear or read your whines about
Always being alone or
Never getting to see me.

So long and farewell…we may never meet again.

No more trying to reel me in with your devices,
Knowing that my “too nice” attitude and my admiration of your writing would
Hit my soft spot…
The spot has been replaced for another sensitivity.
A whole other entity who’s far from who you ever were, or will ever be to me.

So, please…
Stop sending me your poetry.

It’s enough to know that there are other poems like the one above that
Remind me of you.”

6/20/2018

Mishy 🦋

timing.

Timing is everything. And God is always right on time, even if from our perspective, it seems He’s going too slow, or He’s set our time back. He does things for a reason.

I type this in the midst of two different timing events: one being a show I was supposed to be opening for getting cancelled, and the other being me currently waiting for the county my school is a part of to announce that they’re closing school the next day (yes, I wrote this blog post last night).

Koi While I could be frustrated about things not happening the way that I thought they would, instead, I think that these things are happening for a reason. For what reason, I have no idea, but God isn’t moving the timing of these events for nothing. I had planned to meet two of my most influential and supportive social media friends at this event at the end of the month, but now we’ll have to meet some other time, and while we’re all sad it won’t be sooner, we know that God has a perfect time for us to meet.

This school closing would be fantastic; God knows how badly my body needs some more rest. And maybe even an extra day to get some things done in my apartment. But, if He decides that school must go on, it will go on, and I’ll go to work like I’d planned anyway. Maybe God needs me to be where I am – physically tired, sort of mentally weary – so I can depend on Him more for the strength to make it through the rest of this week. (I’m currently still refreshing my browser though…I guess we’ll see!)

So, as you are going about your week, or even with the months ahead as you have things planned, think about timing, and how maybe some things won’t go as planned after all. How will you respond? I don’t ask this to make you feel guilty, because I know a lot of the time, my initial reaction is to be frustrated and upset when plans are uprooted or shifted. But I’m learning to take things in stride, to allow God to move in things and to trust Him, even if I feel like the timing seems weird, or just not in my favor. Because He knows what is best in the end, and ultimately, He longs for the best for me, so it will end up in my favor, for His glory!

Think about a time in which something came “right on time”…maybe it was something a friend did for you, or an opportunity, or maybe you read something that encouraged you in a perfect moment. When all of these things happen, we believe the timing was perfect; and we don’t question God on it. So, why don’t we believe that when things don’t happen on our schedule, or are completely cancelled that it was God’s perfect timing too? We never know what might have occurred had some things gone our way; it’s easier said than done, but I aim to continue learning how to trust that God’s timing is better than mine.

And maybe I’ll look back when I finally get to meet my online friends for the first time, and I’ll think, Actually, THIS was the perfect time for us to get together…February doesn’t hold a candle to this moment!

And I’ll look back at the end of this week and think, Wow, God really got me through! I was so tired, and had so much to do, yet He gave me the strength and endurance to make it, and STILL get my tasks completed!

All in His timing…

What does timing look like in your life? What are some things you have planned in the next week or so? How will you respond if they don’t go as planned? What do you think God is teaching you by pushing something back, or allowing it to be cancelled? What is He teaching you by allowing something to continue instead of being cancelled?

***Thursday Morning update: Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work I go…

Mishy 🦋

Behind the Words: “I”

I wrote an apology letter to Poetry on my Instagram, because she (she’s a she in my mind lol) and I, well, there’s just been a lack in our relationship. I feel like I’ve been afraid to be near her because I’m afraid I don’t have what it takes to be with her.

Maybe some have felt like this in a person-to-person relationship at some point ; maybe you’ve felt like you don’t deserve to be that person’s friend or significant other or spouse, due to mistakes you’ve made in the past or presently or because of who you are or what you look like. Maybe you feel like you’re not good enough, or you don’t measure up to a standard you think you must have or surpass to be with that person.

And that’s how I have been feeling with Poetry recently. I’ve been struggling to put words together, and when I do make the attempt, I feel like I’m trying too hard, and it can be seen in what I write. I’ve felt like maybe I don’t deserve Poetry after all; maybe it longs for me to let it go so it can create genius elsewhere.

So, instead of continuing to try to push words onto paper, I felt too afraid to keep pursuing after Poetry (not completely, just when it came to writing anything new). I didn’t want to force anything creative because I was afraid it wouldn’t sound genuine or even sound good, so I kept my distance.

But what if I’d done that in a human relationship? What if, instead of communicating my feelings, or trying to make things work, I just kept my distance? Could I really say that I loved that person? How could we grow and learn like that? So, how could I grow and learn with Poetry if I didn’t continue to try and pursue it and learn with it?

I feel like I had to go through this season for a couple of reasons…

“Stay Ready…”

I think there’s something to be said about attempting, even if there is no major inspiration. Even if I don’t feel inspired enough to write a poem, I can still go back to my old journals and re-read poetry I’d written before, maybe allow it to spark something inside me. Or I can continue to compile the poems I’ve written into the book I’m still writing (and plan on finishing this year). Continuing to work at my craft doesn’t require me to continuously write; I can seek out other outlets that still relate to it, and come back to the actual writing when the time comes.

Honestly, I’m still working on that part: being consistent with what I’ve got, even if it’s not what I think I need to be working on right then. And I’m working on being better at laying an actual foundation for things, and not just hopping from one thing to the next, which is way too easy for me to do. I just jump at opportunities when they arise instead of thinking about how those opportunities can be better mapped out onto my original plan.

Whoever came up with the phrase, “Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready when the time comes” is a genius. Because that’s exactly what I’m learning to do right now. How can I be ready for bigger opportunities when I’m not even ready with the little I’ve got?

The Reason Why

Now I know I had to go through this awkward phase with Poetry for a reason. Honestly, I’ve been too busy looking at what other people have been accomplishing, and it’s caused me to feel sort of down about myself. I started feeling like maybe I wasn’t good enough to experience those things, or maybe all the work I was putting in was just emptying itself out into nothing.

And because I was focusing on all of that, I wasn’t remember the whole reason WHY I got into poetry in the first place. I was forgetting the highs I got when people simply connected with something I wrote, when they related so much they appreciated feeling like they’d been seen, like they weren’t crazy for feeling the way they felt.

The purpose of my poetry isn’t so I could achieve a bunch of things, or gain a lot of money or recognition, although that would be a blessing; the root of it is to make people feel loved and seen. It’s to point to a Hope and Light that is far greater than even the words I write or speak. And losing sight of that caused me to lose the true Power in which my words come from.

So, even though the distance has been emotionally exhausting and mentally draining at times, I’m grateful that God allows things like this to happen to lead me back to where my focus needs to be, in my life in general, or in my poetry specifically.

Mishy 🦋🌸

My LOVE…

I could talk about so many loves that I have…love of food, love of shoes…but maybe some of y’all have been waiting to hear about my romantic love? 😍🥰

Those who follow me on social media have seen Cadarius pop up every now and again in posts or on my story. We’ve been together for almost 2 years now, and the time we’ve had together has grown and shaped us both in so many ways.

How We Met

I know a lot of public figures, celebrities, bloggers and vloggers talk about how they met their significant others, and while I do want to indulge my readers in that, I honestly feel like it would be more fun to do a video in which he and I both talk about how we met. I love seeing each person’s side to the story, and how it comes together.

But, I’ll give you the basics: we met at an open mic competition that he performed in, and I was spectating in, until I was unexpectedly asked to say a poem in between performers. He asked for my contact after hearing my poem, which led to many text conversations and several hang outs (one being a walk through downtown that lasted basically an entire day…like until the sun set!). He pursued me very well from then on…was always asking when we could get together, and our conversations were never surface level.

Through a series of specific events, which include me actually rejecting him at first 😅, and then later realizing my true feelings for him, we decided to become a couple.

Something I’ve learned while we’ve been together is that learning love never stops.

Learning and Loving and Loving and Learning 💕

My sis Cydney posted on her business DreamOnYouth’s Instagram page, asking what advice we could give to all the single friends we have, and I commented this:

“It’s okay to keep learning how to love. You learn how to in all stages and phases of life: love of self, love of others (be it family, friends, significant others, etc.) But you’ll never reach an actual point of ‘Okay, I KNOW how to love, now I’m ready for bae!’ Learning to love takes time, and eventually you’ll end up with a bae, and still have to learn how to love them, and continue your self-love journey! So, take the time to keep loving and learning and learning and loving, no matter what!”

My comment on DreamOnYouth’s IG post ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/p/B8eY9OYpr-G/?igshid=wy0nwpdb6f65

And if there’s anything that Cadarius has done for me, it is teach me what love is, and how to love every single day, no matter what the situation is. I won’t make this post extremely long and sappy for y’all, even though I could write a book on how much I truly love this man. 🥰

God has truly blessed me with him, and I’m grateful for the love and patience he’s had with me as we’ve navigated through this beautiful love journey, MY very first (and I’m confident that it’s my last) love journey. I pray strength, joy, peace, and love over us now and forever.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Cadarius! 💘💍 I love you from my soul. 😍😘 And I will encourage and support you in good times and bad. We’re in this forever, my love! 🙌🏽

Your love,

Mishy 🦋💘💍

LOVE…of Poetry

My love for poetry actually didn’t start in my childhood, like some people’s desires to become doctors, astronauts, etc. In fact, I didn’t always want to be a writer…my first love was singing. I loved to sing in the car with my dad, at school in the choir, and once The Cheetah Girls came out, I was convinced it was for little girls like me who wanted to become famous singers and choreographers just like them.

Eventually though, my love for singing faded; mostly because I was shy. My dad was proud of my ability to sing, and he’d want people who came to the house to hear me sing, but I was too shy to really want to. Imagine that…me, shy. The thing is, I’m not shy when it comes to making friends, but when it comes to my gift, it’s a whole different story.

So, after taking voice lessons in the sixth grade, but then desiring to do cheerleading, and being told that cheering would mess up my voice, I was sort of at a standstill. The summer before my seventh grade year, Honey (my stepmom) told me she was writing a book, and encouraged me to write one too since I had been an avid reader since I learned how to read.

That began my love for writing.

I wrote a few mystery books through my middle school years, the last one being written my first year of high school. From high school on, I dabbled in fiction writing because that’s what I loved to read. In college, I took creative writing classes, and continued to stick to the fiction genre, despite being somewhat discouraged by my college professors critique on what I’d written.

Poetry had never crossed my mind. I always thought it was for those hipsters at my college who drank coffee out of a French press, and discussed philosophy and art history for fun. Part of me felt like I’d never be able to rhyme anything, or even try to come up with metaphors for the world, so why bother? And then when we tried to examine poetry, and people came up with what seemed like off-the-wall interpretations, I decided that poetry was just not for me.

How That Changed

The summer after I graduated college, I went through a situation where a potential relationship didn’t end up working out. I was pretty devastated; I had just graduated, was back home trying to figure job things out plus what in the world I wanted to do with my life, and then this occurred. I fought the self-sabotage demons hard; I really felt like I was lacking in so much.

Before my best friend Bria moved to California for her new job that summer, she and I were in Barnes and Noble one day and I picked up the poetry book milk and honey by Rupi Kaur. I opened it to a random page, and the poem I read related to my current feelings and situation, and I was immediately drawn in.

I said to Bria, “This is considered poetry? I thought it had to rhyme and whatnot…”

And she replied, “No, poetry doesn’t have to rhyme! Contemporary poetry can be short and simple…”

I ended up buying that book. And while I read Rupi Kaur’s words, and the poems that resonated me, I began to think that maybe I could write poetry too, to help heal me and get me through the funk I was in.

I started a secret tumblr page, and I dropped some poems here and there. It was just nice to get what I was feeling out in a creative form that wasn’t just journaling.

Honestly, I can’t even remember exactly when I decided to become a poet. I feel like once I moved away from home into the city I’m in now, there was a shift. I was blogging like crazy, but I wanted to do more. I kept writing poetry. I was exposed to the creative community here in my city, met up with people who wanted to pour into me, and then things began to snowball.

The nickname “Butterfly” came from a group of girls I met online who supported me after I said a poem on my friend Silas’ IG live. He played keys for the artist William Singe when he went on tour in 2017, and he gave me that opportunity that allowed me to connect with so many who connected with my words.

They started calling me that because I was doing motivational talks on Instagram live, and it was just a positive nickname they gave me that turned into a part of my artist name, and also the start of a poetry project I’m still working on.

Poetry means so much to me. And honestly, I feel like I’ve been at odds with it recently because I lost the main reason and purpose of why I began to do it in the first place. It’s easy to get caught up in the things you need or want to do, like promote, make content, record, perform, but writing this blog post and contemplating over my poetry and it’s purpose has made me remember the reason why I love it so much.

I love poetry because of the way words can connect to my heart, to my feelings. How they can make me feel understood, make me feel like I’m not alone in feeling how I’ve felt or how I’m currently feeling.

And now I feel inspired. Bye for now, I’m going to go write before it gets too late…after I finish this episode of Living Single.

Mishy 🦋

LOVE…of Friends

Friends are some of the best people I have in my life. You experience so many things with these people, maybe things that you wouldn’t experience with family. Maybe some friends have become family to you; I know I’ve got several “sisters” in the friends I have, and even a few “brothers” and “cousins” as well!

I know for me, I’m like my dad when it comes to making friends; he and I don’t know a stranger, it seems. We can meet someone in the grocery store and start talking to them like we knew them for years. I do know, though, what parts of my life to share with true friends, and which parts to share with people who are acquaintances. And an acquaintance doesn’t have to be someone you’ve known for the shortest amount of time; you may connect with someone better in two weeks than you have in two years. So, just be mindful when you think about who your acquaintances and true friends are.

But don’t get me wrong: any acquaintance or friend that I have had or currently have, I do not take for granted. I love each and everyone, even if we’re not as close relationally or physically (distance). And even if we don’t talk like that anymore, I give nothing but love to you as you move forward; maybe you taught me lessons I needed to learn, about myself and about the world around me. Maybe we just naturally grew apart due to the cycle of life. Whatever happened, I hold no bitterness or sadness about it; it’s natural for friendships to go through things.

This post is going to be hard to really highlight all the true friends I’ve got because I’m grateful to say, I’ve been blessed with SO many: people I’ve been able to experience some of the most important events of my life with. People I’ve poured my heart out to and cried with. People I’ve taken trips with, and laughed until my stomach hurt. People I had stimulating and encouraging conversations with that helped me move forward.

And the thing is, I may not speak to all my close friends as much as I used to because of the distance, but I know I can count on them. I know that I’d still vibe with them if we all lived in the same city.

But I must say…

I could talk about SO MANY good friends…y’all know who you are 💙

But I have to highlight one friend, and that’s my HIGH SCHOOL BEST FRIEND, BRIA. I’ve known her for over a decade. I highlight her for several reasons, one major one being that it wasn’t until last year that I realized just how much she taught me as we grew up together.

Since we were in high school, we were together, always, probably laughing as loud as we could. We even went to college together (not planned), but I can’t imagine my college years being as good as they were without her. I’ve got some of my funniest stories with Bria, and they’re not funny because everyone thinks they’d be funny, they’re funny because WE were the ones laughing our heads off 😂 We mostly laughed at each other, and that was something so important I needed to learn as a perfectionist: that it’s okay to laugh at yourself when you mess up, when you’re awkward, when you’re searching for a seat in chapel and end up having to sit next to several of your college professors in the back, and then the hymn that’s being sung asks the very thing you’re both thinking: “Tell me what is your life?”

She not only taught me to laugh at myself, she taught me to love myself. I probably wasn’t the most attractive person to most people back in my high school / college years, but ya know what? I thought I was IT. I loved me some ME, and I didn’t care if people thought I was awkward, poorly dressed, or wayyyy too loud when I was with my best friend (did I mention that that was basically all the time?). I didn’t care if people thought I was weird for laughing at stupid stuff, or loving punk music AND KPOP (which, by the way, I have to say this because now loving KPOP is a cool thing, and I used to get the weirdest reactions about it! I knew it was good music before y’all! JUST SAYING! Y’all probably can’t even name the classic groups and songs. TRY ME! Better yet, try me, my sister and Bria, and we’ll beat you in KPOP trivia! Lol!)

My best friendship with Bria is still going strong TO THIS DAY despite the major distance between us…she lives in Hawaii, y’all 😭 I’m lowkey jealous, and I’m ready for her to come back Stateside so we can at least somewhat afford to visit each other and make more memories, have more laughs. I’m actually gonna talk to her on the phone this Thursday, something we should probably do more often, but I don’t stress over because I know my friendship with her won’t change by distance or even if we don’t text/talk every day. It’s a blessing really; God knew I needed a best friend like her!

I hope you’re remembering to love on your friends this week just as much as your family and significant others. 💗

Do you have a best friend? A best friend group? Who do you call your friends, and who do you call your acquaintances? How can you show them love this week and moving forward?

Mishy 🦋