you know what that is?

I went ahead and recorded another podcast episode so I wouldn’t have to rush it this week.

I know I’m going to be busy with a sister date, tutoring, possibly having my friends come over to help with Patches and then filming another podcast episode. Then babysitting this weekend for a friend! I stay busy, but I’m trying to do better about staying on top of things so I don’t feel behind or rushed.

Tonight, as I was recording my podcast episode, I brought up a situation that occurred almost a year ago that involved a close friend of mine. The situation, unfortunately, ended our friendship very quickly, and I was left sad, confused; then felt a sense of “well, they didn’t really know me if they thought what I was saying was hurtful!”

But as I was speaking, I somehow brought this situation up in my podcast, and I had such a different perspective about it than I did a year ago. Honestly, a year ago, I was telling my other friends how crazy it was that this circumstance quickly led to the end of a friendship that I thought would last longer than it did. And tonight, I took accountability for how my actions could have seemed harmful, even if that wasn’t my intention.

I had been thinking about this situation on and off for a whole year, and only now, a year later, have I finally come to terms with it, and finally feel at peace with it. Maybe it took me taking accountability for me to finally have that. Past me felt like just dropping the situation and forgetting it was what could bring me peace, when really, I needed to evaluate myself. And even now, as I restart a new podcast, I’m evaluating myself and opening myself up to being checked because I know I’m not perfect.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve grown past the versions of my previous selves. I’m 28 years old, and sometimes I still feel like I think the same way I used to back when I was 23. But it’s moments like tonight when I truly feel and can see that God is really teaching me so much, and showing me how I’m growing.

And now I get to use one of my favorite gifs ever…

Mishy 🦋