“wait.” – Day 12 of #12DaysofPoetry


On the 12th day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…


I lie here in bed, thinking how all this week
You’ve told me to “wait.”
While I stare up at the ceiling, feeling the physical drain of heartache,
The longing to move forward,
The anxiety and eagerness of wanting to
Break the silence
That makes me feel a bit of difficulty in breathing yet
You simply tell me to “wait.”
Not once, not twice but
Three times, maybe more.
It’s not like I haven’t heard You tell me this before, because
I have…and You know it.
And, unfortunately, each time doesn’t get any easier.
My desires are strong, and I come to You
Asking, begging, longing,
Knowing full-well that You’ll have Your will.
And it’s up to me to either trust and accept that
You know what’s best,
Or allow my own feelings of
Hurt, anger, disappointment, loneliness,
To swallow me up,
And lead me on a path where I
Resist Your comfort, and
Seek my own.
I want to surrender. My heart and spirit crave it so badly.
But with this yearning come thoughts like
“When is anyone ever going to love me?”
And it’s selfish, I know, because I’ve been loved all my life,
Probably more than some people ever will be in their lifetimes but
How can I be content when all I see are
Couples and engagements and weddings
Displaying pure happiness all over my social media feeds I
Can’t sit here and pretend like a piece of me doesn’t want that because
I do.

But…You tell me to
And for weeks, I’ve thought of this message, and with Christmas coming this month,
I think of how in those times, there were so many waiting…
Your earthly mother, Mary,
Expecting your arrival after the Lord told her that You’d be born to her with her virgin status never changing.
Joseph, your earthly father, waiting to hear when there was finally a place open for him and Mary to rest from their wandering.
The angels in Heaven anticipating to reach the shepherds with the news that,
Unto us a Savior is born, in the city of David!
And the other angels, waiting for their cue to appear to the shepherds as well
With a song of glory and praise for the arrival of the Savior of the world,
The Messiah that those in the past, and those presently there, had been waiting for.

And today, after Your birth, Your life, Your death, and Resurrection,
You continue to tell me to “wait,”
Only this time, not for Your physical arrival,
But for Your arrival in certain areas of my life.
And with the Help of the Holy Spirit that you’ve so gifted upon Your people,
I pray that I can patiently wait
Just as Mary and Joseph did. Just as the angels did.
Just as the rest of the world did for this very day in which
You came.

~ written on November 26, 2017 at 9:56pm but revised for Christmas Day on Christmas Eve

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“the frustration of a fan.” – Day 11 of #12DaysofChristmas

On the 11th day of Christmas, Mishy gave to us…

“the frustration of a fan.”

*DISCLAIMER / EXPLANATION: I understand that there’s a difference between a fan being appreciative, and a fan who’s a legit fanatic – who turns appreciation into obsession to the point of stalking, or any other invasion of a celebrity’s privacy. I do not condone the latter; every person, whether well-known or not, deserves respect and privacy. This poem is about being a respectful fan who doesn’t feel appreciated by the person they admire, despite their respectful love. I also understand that celebrities have duties, and are short on time, so they can’t thank EVERY SINGLE FAN of theirs. This poem is based off of a specific instance I experienced with ONE particular person I admired. Okay. Continue LOL.

I gave you my love and you took it for granted.

It may be odd to many of you that I feel so strongly about this but honestly, I’m hurt, and
I can’t stand it.
It hurt to see that I’d been accepted into what seemed to be an inner circle, but then removed when my love wasn’t “good” enough.
I’m sorry if you wanted more, but out of my own circumstances, that was all I had,
And tough luck getting anything “good” from me because I know I’m worth more than that.
I think it’s unfair how you pick favorites;
How you’re not even that famous yet, but choose only those who are the stereotypical
Pretty and gorgeous, no,
You should be thankful for every fan you have.
Every “I love you” said or emoji that’s read in your Instagram comments.
Because you touched a soul, you influenced someone’s mind,
And they’re willing to go above and beyond to say how much they appreciate you,
How much you mean to them,
And, if they can, spend a little time with you because
They know you’re special; they can feel it in their heart.
But all of that means nothing if you take their love for you and laugh
And pick apart how they showed it to you…

“That was it? Removed.”
“She keeps tweeting me, ugh. Blocked.”
“He keeps commenting heart-eyes on every pic, and bruh, I just wish that he would stop.”

So you, as the fan, as the admirer,
Are left in silence while everyone else who is
Pretty enough,
Forward enough,
Flirty enough,
Good enough
Gets noticed.

I don’t wanna ever be like that.
I don’t wanna roll my eyes at someone who can’t help but express how much they love who I am and what I do.
It’s people like that who are the reason I say this often, “I can’t do this without you.”
Without the love and support, where would I be?
Definitely not putting out my words for you to hear,
Or watching you watch me when I make it to the stage.

I learned something from this – you can’t be too greedy when it comes to appreciation.
As someone who’s looked up to, you can never know the frustration of a fan
Who doesn’t feel loved or appreciated back.

Be kind. Stay humble.

~ written on June 22, 2017 at 11:32pm

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“When you miss your flight…” – Day 10 of #12DaysofPoetry

On the 10th day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…

“When you miss your flight…”

And in that moment, You stopped me.
Stopped my heart and mind from the worries and stresses that this world so often hands me,
And I felt Your gentle Voice whisper,
“You’re okay.”

I also felt the guilt. I replayed the events of only minutes before, and saw the ugliness that my flesh so easily dealt out without stopping to think twice how my actions could hurt me and my friend more.

We apologized; we’re all good. But as I sit in this little seat, and think upon my words and thoughts, I can’t help but be a little grateful despite the frustration.

You’re still teaching me things. Still revealing to me the dark depths of my soul that I so often overlook to declare that I’m a good person as a whole.

We all like to believe that we’re good people, in general.

But to show me that I still have things to improve on, that I still need Your grace and mercy to make the right moves, and to remain insightful and humble because I’m such a handful?

Man. It’s only proof that You hear my prayers to mold me into someone more like You, someone better.

And for that, I thank You. I may be fumbling through this, but I know You steady me anyway. If this is what it takes to grow, Lord, test me any day.

Just by simply sitting in this chair, and thinking about the things I’ve lost, the things that went wrong, You slowly showed me that You’re still in control, that this was Your plan all along.

~ written on the flight to Denver to get to Cabo, after missing our original flight. 7:29am

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“no. 07082017- Day 9 of #12DaysofPoetry

On the 9th day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…

“no. 07082017”

Is it bad that I feel unsympathetic to your plight?
That I dream of nights when you like awake in bed, unable to get thoughts of me out of your head?
What I look like, sound like, smell like, laugh like…
What is it like to live without me?
Is it bad that i hope you’re drowning in regret?
That I hope you see me as the girl that got away? That even though you may go about your business with other girls in your midst, that in the back of your mind I sit there and wait
Patiently. Ever so, patiently.
Is it sad that I even think such vengeful thoughts towards you? Is forgiveness even a word in my vocabulary if all I want is for you to admit that without me,
You’re unsteady?

Forgive me.

I feel like the part of me that wants to say these thoughts are okay,
Is just the part of me that wants to protect myself; the part of me that doesn’t want to let anymore demons in because there have been one too many who’ve gotten under my skin to ravage the hope and purity that’s within, I
Wish that those from my past could see the mess they’ve caused.
I wish they could see how lost I had been for days, weeks, months, thank God not years.
He thankfully took a hold of me before my fears could get ahead of me.
I wish that those from my past could see the beauty they’ve planted.
The person I am today couldn’t exist without the many lessons I’ve learned throughout my life but sometimes still take for granted.


I’m sorry I feel unsympathetic to your plight.
I’m sorry I hope nightmares upon you as you live your life.
My heart and mind just wanna fight off anything that’s gonna keep me down.
But it shouldn’t be like this; self care shouldn’t be like this…
Or should it?

~ written on May 8, 2017 at 3:15pm

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“soul music.” – Day 8 of #12DaysofPoetry

On the 8th day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…

“soul music.”

Crazy how I can now listen to the songs that reminded me so much of you, but hurt too much to play back then.
Crazy that I can feel more positive nostalgia and vibes from the artists I once constantly replayed, and can now play yet again.
Crazy how you’ve been taken out of the equation, out of the music that used to define our relationship, I
No longer avoid this music any longer.
I embrace it with all that it is, not what it used to stand for.

You’re not there anymore. No,
Whatever was left of you in these lyrics, this music,
Has been erased and placed somewhere other than in the forefront of my mind.
I sought comfort with these artists, yet, they were also yours to admire, and I
Couldn’t stand that we both shared something I always went back to,
Something I always desired to keep close to me.

For too long, I had to keep it at a distance.

Some months or years later, and I can listen and reminisce on the good memories and
Fun times. My heart and stomach don’t ache to think that you’re listening to the same thing I’m listening to.
To think that whatever sounds and songs made you feel the same way I felt just seemed
Too good to be true.

So, I sought my soul music elsewhere.

And I discovered a whole new world of tunes, better musicians that could soothe
My aching heart from all the lies you so carefully crafted into two connecting arcs.
Sometimes I can’t keep them in  my car, on my phone, or in my head for all they do is make me think back to those times, when I was questioning with dread why I even had to endure it.

Then I read all the lines above this one, and I realize that maybe it wasn’t the worst.

So, when I listen to those songs, I can only think of how much I’ve grown since I last heard them.

And they mean more to me now than they did at first.

~ written on July 6, 2017 at 10:47pm

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“Who am I?”

Who am I to say, “They won’t come to You”?

I sit here as if I am wise enough,

Thirsty enough,

Good enough to know that

I need saving.

Yet I have rebelled time and time again

Against You, as if I wasn’t saved at all.

How can I harden my heart towards them,

And claim that I am trying to speak Your Name?

I am no different than them; we are the same – all sinners in need of a grace

So vast and triumphant that it takes everything within our beings

To praise something so sacrificial,

Something so beautiful.

I am not the judge of your salvation or mine,

Or his or hers or theirs,

I am simply a broken vessel whom the Lord has graciously allowed to be used.

And being used isn’t easy; it isn’t popular, it isn’t fun all the time.

It’s a huge privilege, and a heavy task.

It’s a great commission, and an intimidating call.

It’s a wonderful thing to realize you’ve been asked to speak the Truth into the hearts of those who know the Lord, and those who have no clue at all.

~ written sometime in July 2017

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“A Psalm from Sickness” – Day 6 of #12DaysofPoetry

On the 6th day of Christmas, Mishy gave to us…

A Psalm from Sickness

I am sick, God, don’t look upon me.

I’m not ready for You to speak to me, to use me, for I am not at my best. I am exhausted and
Frustrated, and I know I’m in need of some rest,
And I’m trying to take it easy – I’m trying to eat right.
I’m doing all the things I normally do at a time like this,
Like avoid too  much sugar and
Get enough sleep at night…

No, God, don’t touch me.
I’m unworthy of Your Presence, unworthy to be used by You,
To answer Your call.
How can I truly be focused on You when I’m too busy with this
Mindset of recovery?

I’ll handle it, God, just let me deal with this first.
Let me get my schedule together, myself organized before I
Can squeeze You into my day,
And read some verses in the Bible that should help me on the daily.

I need to heal me.

O, Lord…but I’m so incapable.
Why am I running from the One Who knows me and my needs?
Who sees me struggling, and longs to take my hand, and
Put me back on my feet,

I hear You now, God…You say…

“Come to Me.
Your sickness and messiness don’t scare me, even if they scare you.
Lie in my Arms for a moment, and just breathe.
You may be incapable, but I am faithful.

Let Me take My time with you.

You may not like it; you may want to rush it.
You may want to stop moving altogether, for fear that Your movements are careless.
Trust Me, I’m here. Let my Presence destroy all those fears of
Not being clean, healthy, or focused enough.

I will take you as you are.

Come look for Me with everything you are, and I will be sure to find you.

I want to work with your weakness.” 

~ written on October 9, 2017 at 4:12pm

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“you don’t hurt me like you used to” – Day 5 of #12DaysofPoetry

On the 5th day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…

“you don’t hurt me like you used to”

Sure, a year ago, that trick would’ve worked.
I’d be done for – my heart aching to know
Why you hadn’t peeped a word. My soul, insecure of all I am compared to the people you so value on a whim, but then
Claim to want to disassociate with once you’ve
Had your fill.

But you’ve used that trick one too many times and
I’ve learned since then; I know better now.
I’ve studied your habits and thoughts and
I’m not surprised you’d do something like this again, to
Grab my attention – to get under my skin, to maybe
Make me feel jealous or hurt because I wasn’t
“Worthy” enough for you to seek out.


I’m sorry, but that doesn’t work on me anymore. I know my value isn’t dependent upon your judgment of me, on whether you choose to see me or not.

Sorry, not sorry.

You don’t hurt me like you used to.

~ written on September 26, 2017 at 10:30pm

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“delusion” – Day 4 of #12DaysofPoetry

On the 4th day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…


I’m not sure if the alcohol you consumed
Revealed your true feelings for me, or simply assisted you in choosing
To press your lips against mine,
Making those butterflies fly, yet
Dooming my feelings yet again to
Just another boy who
Got what he wanted from me because
In that moment,
He was lonely.
And I was there.
I may not have been the person he thought I was that night but,
He wanted to feel loved, and didn’t care that
In the morning, I’d be stuck on him,
Dreaming of how loved I felt by him.
But he himself would take hours to
Realize exactly what happened.
And to him, it was just another kiss.
I was just another girl.
And while I was happily reliving the moment in my mind he
Was rinsing his mouth and marking a tally for the umpteenth time,
And maybe telling his friends
How bad the kiss was.
How stupid he’d been.
How he hoped that was the last time he’d ever see me again.
And here I am thinking I’m

What a sad

~ written September 19, 2017 at 7:37pm

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“social media” – Day 3 of #12DaysofPoetry

On the 3rd day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…

“social media”

Social media is sneaky.

It allows us to check up on people
Without ever needing to make an effort to
Truly reach out.
People aren’t about phone calls anymore,
They’re not about trying to actually have a conversation to make sure that
You’re okay.
Nah, an Instagram of you having fun at the beach will suffice.
Watching you take a road trip on Snapchat makes it look like your life is all
Nice and tidy an cool.
Even though we read those “sad,” “emo,” “depressing” tweets,
We sometimes brush it off as dramatic speech,
Just complaining like everyone else.
There can’t possibly be some truth behind those words you type with your thumbs.

Social media. It’s good sometimes, but a lotta times makes us numb to people’s
Real struggles, real problems.
When you see other people’s posts, it’s never about them,
But about you, and how the comparison
How hard do you have to try to make that one picture you took
Relevant to your followers?
Meaningful to the world?
Matter enough for you to get the attention of that special girl?
When all he really could do
Is say, “Hey.” to her when he sees her.
All she has to do is strike up a conversation with him.
If she so dares to want to know
How he’s really been.

Posts and tweets and video feeds aren’t always news.
They’re not always a status report on a person’s emotions and feelings but sometimes they’re
A place for people to get likes and views.
I’m not pointing the finger here – I’m guilty too.
Which is why I take a break every now and then to
Separate the sometimes shallowness I cave into and pick up a pen,
A notebook, a book to inspire,
To really think about all life’s desires,
To put myself and the world in perspective.

Lord, forgive me
For believing that everyone’s lives are always positive,
For never taking the initiative to reach out to someone You placed on my heart and mind after
I saw what they posted or
Message someone after their Instagram live,
God, make me more sensitive to the vibes
People send me through their
Pictures and words that are possibly a cry out
For help
To anyone, from them.
Make me aware, and give me the strength and courage to move.
To reach out in love more efficiently.
To step out of the boundaries technology has me by.
To be honest with others, and break down the lies that people may believe through seeing my own
Posts, pictures, and tweets.

Help me to speak up.
Because social media is sneaky.
It makes us believe that if we can just
Prove to people on the outside we’re okay,
It’ll be enough.

~ written April 8, 2017 at 10:16am. I vividly remember writing this poem. I was sitting on my bed in the downtown apartment I used to live in, and these words just spewed out of me.

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry