I’ve allowed the wounds left from other people to fester,
The infection seeping to my heart.
So, in order to stop the sickness from spreading, I
Hardened any part of me that seemed too soft, too
Vulnerable to outsiders, too
Inviting to predators.
They see Light, and are drawn to it like
Moths to a flame.
So, I blew out the candle to halt their journey to me,
To keep them at arm’s length, so that
I couldn’t be hurt again.
But an effect of the distance turned…

Sweet to bitter…
Understanding to judging…
Brave to scared.

It leaned towards wondering if intentions were good instead of
Trusting and seeing what could be there.

---

I was reflecting this morning about some current events in my life (not huge ones) that caused me to, admittedly, feel or think in an unforgiving manner. My thoughts were very callous, judgmental, even bitter…which I know happens to everyone because we aren’t perfect, but I remember a time when I wasn’t so immediately negative about circumstances or people’s intentions, when I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

For those who don’t know, I turned 30 recently (EEEE!), and I’ve been meditating more on my twenties – the things I did, learned, failed at, succeeded in. And I realize that there are some things that emotionally traumatized me, and I buried that trauma really deep to the point that it’s affected my initial responses to certain situations.

At my core, I’m a kind person; but there have been some instances that, instead of seeking for understanding, have rubbed me the wrong way due to past situations, even though I have forgiven and moved on from those situations. They’ve caused me to be overly cautious, sometimes even paranoid about the intentions others may have.

I think it’s okay to be cautious, to learn from past things, but those things shouldn’t cause us to completely shut down, or to completely dim the light that is within us. Healing from these things takes time, of course, and we won’t always react in the correct way, but I say, it’s a big step to be able to recognize these thoughts, and to long for change.

Mishy 🦋