to be real.

How is it already almost 10 o’clock at night as I’m writing this?

These days filled with nothing seem to be going by quicker than days in which I was extremely busy. But maybe it’s because there’s time to do the things I’ve been wanting to do!

Honestly, what can I write about? Today was a fairly normal day in which I made sure to do the essential things: my quiet/devotional time, eat, work out, shower, dishes, and laundry. The rest of the time, I was gathering more writing information so I can learn even more about this thing that I love.

Part of me is excited, and another part of me is nervous. Excited because it’s good to level up in my craft in some ways! Can’t grow if I’m just doing the same thing. I’m nervous because sometimes I wish writing was just simple. Not because I’m lazy, but because the simplicity of just writing whatever comes to mind, whatever is in the heart, just seems highly genuine and real to me. Sometimes I feel like people can get so lost in creating content, we lose the authenticity of things.

I’d be lying if I said there weren’t days when I wish I could be just as carefree in my writing back a few years back when I used to do this every day. Part of me feels like there’s a lack of inspiration since I”m confined to such a small space to really experience anything, but I guess that’s no excuse for that when the lack of space can still give me time to experience things online.

But truly, I think it’s because I fear the audience I potentially have right now. I don’t know how many people are actually reading my blog these days (don’t feel guilty if you’re not…well, I guess if you’re not, then you wouldn’t be reading this. 😅 Anyways!), but I do know who could possibly lay their eyes on my words. And in a way, that makes me nervous. Because I want to make content that’s relatable and interesting, but I also want to be as genuine as possible.

Back when I wrote on my blog every day, I really didn’t know who my audience was, so it made it easier for me to write without feeling maybe judged by what I wrote about. But I know I should have the same mindset back then as I do now, no matter if I do know who my audience is or not! Who knows if me being real allows someone else to feel understood? Who knows if my words could open someone’s perspective to a different point of view?

I guess I’ll never really know until I stop being scared to just be real on here. Not saying that everything I’ve written so far during this quarantine time hasn’t been real, but there have been times I’ve filtered maybe an opinion I had, or didn’t write about something on my mind/heart because I felt like no one else would understand.

But who’s website is this again? Yep, it’s mine. So it’s time I stop walking on eggshells here, and just be who I am!

What are some things that hinder you from being authentic and genuine? How can you push past these things to unleash who you really are/what you really love?

Mishy 🦋🤍

good friday.

Many around the world are acknowledging today as a couple of different things. One is National Siblings Day, which is important. I have two sisters whom I love very much, and am seriously proud of the growth that they’ve made in each of their lives. 💜💛 I know that God has planned some major things for them, and I cannot wait to see them completely bloom into their passions!

Today is also (most importantly) Good Friday. The day in which Jesus took on the sins of the world, past, present, and future, by dying on the Cross. I’ve seen posts already on social media discussing the irony of today’s name being “good” Friday, when back then, those who followed Jesus probably saw anything but good in what was happening to Him. We call it “good” now because we know the end result: we know that 3 days later, we will celebrate Easter, the day He rose from the dead.

And I can’t help but stop and think how many times in my Christian walk have I thought, Man, God is good. Obviously, I’ve said and thought this during easy times, or when blessings come. But do I also think this when the trials come? When I can’t seem to see any good outcomes coming from what I’m going through? Can (and do) I still say that He’s good? Can/do I still believe that to be true?

Honestly, in my Christian walk, it’s hard to feel and understand that Jesus is right here where I am, whether I’m in a good or bad situation. It’s sometimes hard to grasp the beauty of the day He gave His life when it was so long ago. But to see how much it has transformed my life, and the lives of people I love, and have witnessed live for Jesus, understanding and feeling it doesn’t seem all that difficult anymore. Jesus is there to guide me, so long as I ask, and obey Him.

Easter is filled with what most holidays are filled with – traditions. In both the church and secularly. Some do Easter baskets, egg hunts, wearing their special Easter dresses and suits, having brunch or cookouts. In some church denominations, they’ve been celebrating or acknowledging the Easter season through different days, colors, hymnals, etc. And while traditions can be fun, or can help us remember the importance of Good Friday, may we not drown the Truth in such things so much so that we don’t remember this simple and wonderful fact:

Jesus took our place on the cross. We, as sinful humans, were meant to pay the price for what we have done/would do. And because of His Great Love for us, He died in our place. And now, we can have a relationship with Him because He opened that door with His death and resurrection.

I don’t want to write this post and fling it out onto the Internet like it’s nothing; this day is SO important. Because the gift that came from Jesus’ death that occurred so many years ago today is available to EVERY SINGLE PERSON, so long as they believe in Him, His Sacrifice, and His Resurrection. So long as they let go of any plans they have for their own lives, and are willing to pick up their own crosses and follow Him wherever He leads. So long as they dedicate their lives to living like He did as best as we can in our sinful flesh.

Some of you may know these things, and others may not. For those who are familiar, please take time today to sit and ponder the basis of which are faith is in. And to those who are not familiar, and may even have questions, please don’t hesitate to ask in the comments, or by using my Contact form on my blog here. I’m not saying that I have the answers to every single thing the Bible teaches, but I do have the faith to know that God can speak to you wherever you are, and can give you salvation eternally. It doesn’t mean your life will be easy, but you can learn to hold onto His Peace during hard times. The things in our culture and our world that you used to care so much about won’t matter anymore once you accept His Gift. So please, if you’re wondering or have questions, do not be afraid; speak up.

How are you observing Good Friday today? What is something you can go to God in prayer and praise for, not just today, but from here on out?

Mishy 🦋 ❤️✝️

the pink moon. 🌕

Did anyone get a chance to see the Pink Moon last night?

Truthfully, I was a little sad to find out a couple of hours before the peak time that it wasn’t actually pink, but I love a good full moon anyway! But of course, after sitting outside and locating where it was, the clouds were covering it off and on. I find that every time some sort of cool, space thing is happening, the clouds seem to want to cover it up most of the time.

Thankfully, though, the clouds were moving, so every few minutes or so, the Pink Moon in all its fullness would come popping out from behind the thick clouds. And it was beautiful. And even if it was covered by thin or thicker clouds, you could still see how bright it was by the rays poking out from behind them.

Some of the thin layers of clouds were shaped like ocean waves as they passed over the moon. And as I looked at how bright the moon was, it made me think of what it would think if it knew what was happening on earth right now. And maybe it shining so brightly was its way of reminding us that, even in the heaviness this pandemic is bringing to our world, there can still be light to see. There can still be light to break through.

Although the moon doesn’t really know what’s happening, God does. And maybe He allowed the moon to be as beautiful as it was last night to remind us that He is still here, and He still sees and hears us, even if it seems things are going in cycles, and there aren’t very many positive details about what’s happening. I know as I watched the moon, I felt very grateful to still be able to see it. I am grateful even now for what the moon represents in regards to change: P.I.N.K ➡️ Phases. Innovation. New. Knowledge.

Phases

The moon changes every night as it prepares to go into all of its different phases, and we all go through change just like it. Right now, we’re all changing in a lot of the same ways as we practice social distancing, but we also are still changing in our own different ways as we use this time we have. But each phase can still be beautiful; and each phase serves a purpose as it helps us get to the next phase. Think: what phase are you currently in? What are you doing now to prepare for the next phase?

Innovation

Some of us are doing some major innovation, or transformation. Maybe our “normal” lives before all of this had some toxic characteristics and habits, and now that we can slow down, we can uproot those things from our lives, and establish better routines. Maybe we ourselves are changing: physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. How can you see innovation in your life right now?

New

Obviously, we are in a completely new phase of life that many of us have not encountered ever before. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve never been out of work for this long, and still been getting paid for it. Even though we may be in the same locations, how we’re interacting (or not interacting) with our environment is still very new to us. I already had to think about washing my hands when I was at work (since I work at preschool), but now I’m thinking about washing my hands outside of work – while I’m at home, if I go to the grocery store, if I step right outside of my apartment complex just to get some fresh air.

We’re all thinking of and creating new ways to live with how things are. And while it’s easy to see the negative side of these things, we can still create some positive experiences. What are some new things you’ve done or are doing these days?

Knowledge

Each day, we have the opportunity to learn. We may not be in classrooms or jobs, but we still have technology at our fingertips. We still have the things and people in our homes to go to for information, to teach/guide us in new things. Something we may have wanted to know about can now be learned because we’re all inside. Not to mention, we’re learning more about ourselves and how we presently function, and can better function as people now, and whenever we can all go back outside. What are some things you’re learning these days? Who is teaching you? What resources are you taking advantage of now?

All of these things were thoughts I had as I sat and watched the clouds hide then reveal the moon. What are some thoughts you had last night as you watched it? If you weren’t able to see it, did you still wait to see if you could?

Mishy 🦋🤍

“Tula, the Hibiscus Tree” 🌺 (POEM)

Today, I sat down to write, and when I looked outside, I saw
Tula…my hibiscus tree.
The one my man got me for our one year anniversary of dating, yes,
She was so pretty when she first arrived —
Bright pink petals pushing out from thin twigs that
Wrapped themselves around each other into a twist,
That’s what she used to look like. Now?

As I sit and look at her, I can’t help but be sad by her state.
No longer are there any pink petals or green leaves.
Only twigs remain.
We did go through a change of seasons —
Fall and winter came and went, and as cold as it gets during those times, I
Knew Tula wouldn’t be in bloom then
But now that spring has arrived, and I see the other bigger tree beginning to sprout its green leaves, I
See Tula’s bare twigs and wonder if maybe
Her bare being is reflective of the care I’ve taken, not of her, but of myself.

Because all through the fall and winter, I too shed leaves like a hibiscus tree.
My petals were pulled off by me and my
Self-sabotaging tendencies, I
Viewed other plants and how they grew,
And envied the way they looked,
Wishing I could be like them.
When all the while, I should have been tending to my own roots, and
Waiting for the spring to come around,
Praying for the Lord to show me who I am so that I
Didn’t have to fear the way that others looked in comparison to me.

So, in a way, when I look at Tula, I see myself.
And I wish that I’d taken better care of the both of us. I wish I’d spent more time with my Creator, speaking to Him and
Depending on His view of me rather than
Caring too much about the other plants He made.
I look at Tula, and I fear that we won’t bear fruit or flower this season.
I wonder if maybe it’s too late for us.

But I still have some hope —
I took the time to water her today with some nutrients good for her soil,
And I fed her some food to help her grow along with the sunshine and warm weather we’ve got these days.

As for me…I know there is hope.
And I must do the same things:
Water myself, be fed the best spiritual Food there is (the Word),
And let it nourish my soul.
I look forward to see in the days to come just how much Tula and I have grown.

But our growth shouldn’t stop once we bloom.
No, even before we bloom, may we help others grow too.
May we look at other flowers and trees without envy, and admire them
For we do not know the journey they took to become what they are now.
So, let us water those who need it and
Celebrate those who have surpassed us.

For these are signs of sure growth as well.

Mishy 🦋🤍

gripping the ground.

Today was such a good day!

I mean, a lot of these days have been good days, but today in particular, I just felt like I had more of a routine than I normally have. I got up fairly early. I attended an online writing workshop, and wrote the first poem for National Poetry Month. I worked out, took a shower, and washed my bed sheets. I took a listen to Kiana Lede’s album, KIKI, and fell in LOVE with it! I worked on a new little collaboration (coming to you soon!), and drank two Nalgenes full of water (FINALLY!). And now I’m writing this blog post a couple of hours before midnight. YAY!

When I think about it, I feel like I’ve been sort of neglecting myself during this quarantine. I’ve been doing some things, but I haven’t been really been taking care of myself like I used to when I had a routine. I’d been writing (or blogging) every day, but that was the extent to my writing process; I wasn’t learning anything new, or trying to branch out really. I’d been drinking water, but not nearly enough (and it’s resulted in my skin breaking out, and me feeling a little fatigued and dehydrated at the end of the day/during the night). I’d had such a good workout schedule along with drinking protein shakes, and now my body isn’t used to either from doing both of them off and on in the past few weeks.

But it’s never too late to start gripping the ground again. And I felt this so much today, and even though it was just one day, and it takes several days to create a habit, at least I made the choice to begin!

So, not only did I do a writing workshop today, I signed up for more writing classes to help expand my writing process. I started writing the second out of the three poems I need to write to be on track for Poetry Month. Instead of stopping at 2 Nalgenes full of water, I started drinking a third. I started choosing things for myself instead of just letting the day go by, and I haven’t made any moves to better myself in some way.

Once I’m done writing this, I’ll finish writing my poems, read my Bible and devotional, and probably just chill out for the rest of the day. All-in-all, I’m proud of how I spent my day. And now, I’m excited to be able to continue the routine tomorrow.

take the steps.

There’s been so much encouragement I’ve given to y’all in the past couple of weeks regarding the state in which our lives are all changing. I’ve encouraged you to be okay with rest, to use the time you’ve got to work on a passion/craft/hobby you’ve always wanted to, to trust that God is in control of this whole situation. Now, I encourage you in these times to do at least one thing that makes you proud of you every single day. It can be anything! You don’t even have to make a lot of headway on something, or completely finish something. As long as you took the steps to do it, and you feel good that you’ve done it! You’ve got this! Let’s make ourselves proud!

What kind of routine have you been able to create during this time? What was something you did today that made you proud of yourself? How can you continue to invest in yourself as so many states are declaring a two-week stay at home policy starting tomorrow?

Mishy 🦋🤍

for poetry.

Another day, speedily come and gone. I even woke up earlier than usual, guys! And I’m down to a little less than an hour to write. Again. 🥴

At least my days are filled to the point where I’m not extremely bored! I realized today (or maybe it was late yesterday) that this month is NATIONAL POETRY MONTH! 🙌🏽✨ And if that’s the case…then I want to write a poem every day, all month! I’m already behind 2 days, so it looks like it’ll be 3 poems for me tomorrow!

And thankfully, after a good conversation with Pa today, I will be able to branch out my writing thought process by joining a Zoom writing workshop that he’s been going to that happens twice a day (with the same prompt). I missed today, but I hope to make it to tomorrow morning’s at 11am!

I wonder…are there anymore online writing workshops going on during this time? Maybe some workshops on IG live? I did hop onto Rupi Kaur’s (author of poetry books milk and honey and the sun and her flowers) Instagram live once during this quarantine time, and she was doing a poetry writing workshop 🤩 If anyone knows of anymore, please, holla at ya girl! 😁🤙🏽

Well, hopefully I’ll have better content tomorrow here for y’all. I know for some people these days are dragging on, but for me, they’re speeding by quickly!

How can you find a way to be more engaged with your craft/hobby? Who can you connect with to help you advance in it further?

Mishy 🦋🤍

last minute log.

Well, I’ve reached about the last 45 minutes of the day to try to write something here 😅 Honestly, if there’s anything I need to work on during this time, it’s waking up earlier. By the time I wake up these days, some good daylight hours have already been spent…and I’m drinking my coffee at like 1pm 😭 and that’s no good!

My sleep schedule has just been so off ever since I’ve gone from strict routine to none. I’ve tried several times to gain a good routine, but I feel like each day brings something new, and I’m forced to move things around more.

Honestly, today’s theme was Naruto Shippuden 😄 I’ve been watching episodes with my boyfriend whenever we eat together, and he downloaded the latest Storm 4 game on the XBOX, and he’s been teaching me how to play it.

If I’m honest, I’m a pretty bad sore loser when it comes to fighting games. I always feel like people expect me to do poorly at them, and when I do, I feel like I’ve proved them right, and I wanna be able to win at least a couple of rounds LOL 😂 So, I’ve practiced against the computer several times, and I guess we’ll just have to see if I can best my boyfriend in the upcoming days 😅

But the show is just SO GOOD. I’m glad we started watching it again; it’s just got so much character development and different characters introduced with different missions. I’m hoping we can get deep into it, maybe even finish it with the time we’ve got these days.

Other than Naruto-themed things, I was able to video chat with a couple of people – a student of mine I haven’t seen in 3 weeks, and a newly found friend who I’ll be collaborating with soon! 🙌🏽 Some awesome things are coming out of this time, even if there are moments of stir-craziness.

What is something you’re getting into more as time passes on? Is it a show, a game, a new hobby? Who have you been able to contact now that you’ve got the time?

Mishy 🦋🤍

to be honest: how I sometimes feel.

Today, I went live with my friend Jeigh for her organization Suspire, and we discussed how I’ve been personally feeling with everything going on.

Honestly, I’m probably in one of the most privileged positions of anyone enduring this pandemic: I’m off of work, but I’m still getting paid. Which means, I have so much time to create! So, there’s really not much room for me to complain, and I’m grateful to be in the position I’m in!

I was telling Jeigh during the live that while I’m not necessarily enduring panic from all this, and I’m more in disbelief that these things are happening, even though I’m living through it day by day. Again, I’m grateful to not be experiencing more negative emotions due to this pandemic.

However, when I think about it, I still have to fight for my mental health. I may not be anxious in regards to the pandemic, but I’m seeing that being stuck in one place for so long leaves a lot of time to just think about other things…and sometimes those things can be negative. I have noticed that sometimes it’s easier for me to see the hope and light in other people’s situations, and not see it in my own. I’m able to write to inspirational content for others, but when I go back and read it, sometimes I feel like those words just aren’t for me.

I’ve had to battle mental demons that desire for me to self-sabotage, threatening my stable situations into chaos and confusion. Yes, there is more time to create…but there’s also more time to compare myself. There’s more time to allow those thoughts to settle in, and cause me to question myself – what I look like, the things I do, etc.

In a way, I feel like I somehow fudged my answers in the Instagram live earlier, but truly, these times of feeling down are brief and temporary. But they are still there, and I don’t want to pretend like they never happened, because they have. I find that I’m fearful of admitting my weak moments of believing these lies; I’m afraid that if I say them out loud, I’d be judged rather than encouraged or helped.

But I also know that, even if it may be initially painful to bring them to light, there is always healing and reassurance on the other side from the Lord, from people who truly love and support me. And I also know that I’m not the only one who goes through these thought processes, so that’s always comforting.

And it’s comforting to know that I can read and look at the art and words of other artists when I feel my words aren’t of much comfort to myself. And honestly, that’s an interesting topic for another blog post. Hmm…

Just some honesty today! But it’s good to get it off my chest. Here are some of the words that have encouraged me lately:

Mishy 🦋💚

a time for reflection.

What day is it? Saturday?

I guess, technically, it’s almost Sunday now. I know I should probably write these posts before two hours before midnight, but I just like living through a day, seeing what it holds, before I sit down to try to write here.

There have been a lot of things happening in light of the whole coronavirus thing. Things that are teaching me who I am, what I truly love, what I need to be the best me I can be. It’s easy to think that we know who we are as we go through life a day at a time. But sometimes, time goes by so quickly, and we’re so busy with everything that we don’t get to pause and reflect on if our needs and desires have even changed in our lives.

I honestly needed this time to remind me of who I really am. I feel like I’ve been settling for the “fast-food” version of myself instead of really delving deep. I had those deep moments every now and then during my on-the-go time before all of this social distancing, but being stuck in a place for a while, not really able to do much or go anywhere, it makes you reflect on the person you used to be, and who you are now.

signs of the times.

Time has been on my mind so much recently. I’ve been thinking about memories I had, some with friends, some with my boyfriend of almost two years, some with my family. I looked at my Facebook memories today, and a few pictures and posts popped up: one of them was promotion pictures from two years ago for my first poetry performance. The year before that, it was a picture of me inside the bathroom at my current job, only then it was my first spring working there.

I look at those posts, and I think back to those times, and who I was during them. I remember where I was in my poetry journey, and even in my motivational speaking. I remember the people I mostly interacted with, whether they were online or in person. I remember when things began to change for me, when I made decisions to make changes that would push me forward instead of holding me back.

And then I see my life now – the things I have, the people who are actively in my day-to-day, or even month-to-month because honestly, when things were normal I wouldn’t see some of my closest friends for a good few weeks or months. I’m grateful for where I am, but I know that I have to do things to change where I am into something greater. Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful for my life right now; I just know that I am not meant to stay stagnant here for very long.

So, as I’m social distancing to the best of my ability, I am reflecting on who I am, what I need, and what I desire. I’m acknowledging the things, people, and opportunities I do have right now, and am grateful for them. And I also acknowledge that I still have work to do in order for some of the visions in my mind to come to fruition. Work, but most importantly, prayer; seeking the Lord, and asking Him the best way to go about all of this. Honestly, the prayer part is where I am weakest right now. Even though I have all this time on my hands, it doesn’t mean I can’t get distracted by things. So my prayer life in itself is something I need to work on too!

And I hope that we all take some time during this pause of the world to do these things, and to put into practice a routine to better understand ourselves now, so whenever we’re placed back into “normal” times, we aren’t settling for the “fast food” versions of ourselves, but we know our past and present selves, and we strive to be better in the future.

How can you evaluate yourself in past, present, and future? What are some things you notice now that you feel like you wouldn’t have noticed in your busier times? How can you use this time to move forward in things you’ve dreamt of?

Mishy 🦋💚

those moments.

How silly of me!

Yesterday was officially the first day of spring, and I could’ve added how perfect it was due to all many blessings I experienced yesterday. We’re FINALLY out of the wintry fog and rain! I cannot express how happy I am that winter is over. Now, we just need this whole coronavirus thing to blow over along with it!

While yesterday was a pretty special day, today is a special day too. It’s a day I’ve talked about frequently if you’ve followed my journey closely for quite some time. But to those who are fairly new, I’ll try to keep it short and simple…

Three Years Ago Today…

I was at a William Singe concert in Nashville, by myself. I got VIP so I was able to meet him and Alex Aiono, who was touring with him. Along with them, I got to meet the keyboardist of the tour, Silas Doss (he’s also a songwriter and producer). Silas gave me an opportunity to speak a poem on his Instagram live that night, and that was the first time I’d publicly said a poem of mine for an audience of that many people, even if they were online.

After that night, I knew I was made for poetry. The responses and replies to my words were so love-filled. People truly connected with my words, and I felt extremely humbled to feel that. I could feel the Lord confirming it in my soul that night. Who knew a concert night meant for fun would be the same night my purpose was revealed?

But Even Passed that Night…

There have been plenty of other days and nights that helped shape me and my poetry. Like the night I went to my first poetry workshop in Chattanooga (where my Poetry is LIT people at?). Or the night I performed on stage for the very first time. Or the night I went to an open mic, unexpectedly performed a poem, and ended up meeting the love of my life. It’s crazy how moments change us like that – we meet new people, experience new things, God opens new doors and closes others.

Even as we all sit in our homes, these moments are still shaping us. There can still be a time that defines when things changed for you. Maybe you decide to create that blog or YouTube page you always wanted to make because now you have the time. Maybe you can practice an instrument, or pick up playing a new one you’ve always wanted to try. Maybe you’ll get the courage to talk to that person you’re interested in now that you’ll both be in quarantine/social distancing, but technology allows you both to get to know each other better. Maybe you’ll look yourself in the mirror and finally stop sabotaging who you are, and decide to love yourself from here on out, no matter what.

Whatever Moment You Have in the Next Week (or So)…

I hope you catch it. I hope you realize it, and feel every bit of it as you’re experiencing it. Because a moment like that only lasts so long, and it’s difficult to truly relive it the way it initially happened.

That doesn’t mean you can’t reminisce on a moment like that, because of course you can! Just do your best not to let any moments you have these days pass you by. Take it all in.

What is a special moment (or special moments) that you can think of that changed the trajectory of your life? Do you think you’ve had a moment like that currently/recently? How has it affected you during this time?

Mishy 🦋💚