I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about who I am, mostly as an English major and writer, and honestly, it’s been very discouraging. I’ve felt kind of out of place within my major when it comes to literature classes and even writing classes.
I’m currently in a Shakespeare class that makes me feel inferior to my classmates because I can’t grasp concepts within the plays we read. I know that you’re placed in a class to learn things you don’t know, but it’s hard to listen to other English majors understand themes and such within plays while I float around and wonder, How in the world did they notice those things?
And even though I’m not taking any writing classes, I’ve just been wondering about the way I write for academic papers, for fun, and even for this blog. I’m following a lot of passionate, well-versed writers on Twitter, and am in AWE of how well they can communicate their thoughts through poetry, prose, and other projects they’re working so diligently on.
The comparison game sucks, I’ve said this before, but I can’t help but compare my blog and my writings to those who are able to write something every day or work on major writing projects. I feel so behind in my writing game, and I feel like blogging about my life isn’t offering anything to anyone out there. I sat and thought, Who wants to sit and read about my life when they can just go out and live their own? What makes me think that people will want to read this? What do I offer in writing my own story?
Thinking about these things is hard, and I’ve had to delve into the truth of why I do what I do. Why do I blog? Why do I want to write for the rest of my life?
I’m realizing more and more that I am interested in other people’s stories and lives. That it intrigues me how vastly different my life can be from their’s, despite small similarities or common interests. I find that I learn so much more through listening to someone’s life story.
And maybe that’s why I blog about my life. Because there are things within my life, whether they be mistakes or amazing life-changing events, that someone else out there can relate to. Maybe they haven’t gone through it personally, but they may have a friend who has or maybe they’re in a similar situation, and reading what I have to say comforts them in knowing they aren’t the only one going through something.
Maybe I blog to be a testimony. To show others out there the struggles of a young Christian woman, who doesn’t have it all figured out, who struggles with many things (sometimes the same things repeatedly), and who is desperately reaching out for Jesus to take hold of her life completely.
I tore myself and my blog apart (figuratively, not literally) because I felt like I wasn’t offering anything to people, like I wasn’t rallying a movement for people to follow their dreams or to get them to feel loved or encouraged.
But ya know, my blog is what I make it. At this point in my life, being a junior in college and trying to balance my studies, work, and social life takes a lot of time and effort. I definitely try to blog when I can, especially when something has been placed on my heart to write.
But this is where God has me right now. Sure, right now I may not have time or even resources to promote my blog, to make it more appealing to the eye, to make it something more to my readers. But it’s what I’ve been given, what I’ve created, what I’ve held onto since my freshman year of college. And I am going to be grateful for it, no matter how insignificant I feel this blog is.
Because I really don’t know how it’s been affecting people. All I see are numbers and stats. I don’t see the changing of people’s hearts, the smiles on their faces.
My purpose isn’t to be one of the best writers, English majors, or bloggers. It isn’t to prove anything to anyone or to even get numerous compliments or hits on my posts. It’s to use what I’ve been given by my Heavenly Father – the gift of writing – to express my life and the world and people around me to bring them closer to Him.
It’s not about me and what I can write or say or do to my blog to make it more appealing or more professional. But it’s about using what I have to bring glory to God.
And so, this is the space. These are the things God has given me to work with.
And without playing the comparison game, getting discouraged, or depending on myself, I will write.