faith to provide.

Ahh, it’s been a while. It’s always been a while. But I always come back.

In my last post about Make-A-Wish, I mentioned that there was a week where I was really struggling with my decisions about this summer, and I said I would post something about it. Well, here it is.

How about some positive things first though?

  1. The Make-A-Wish internship! Yes, yes, YES! This has definitely been a blessing. Getting this type of office experience has definitely been a plus for the summer, and learning exactly what Make-A-Wish does and how they do it and seeing the blessings it pours out to children and their families is such a beautiful thing!
  2. Intercultural. My sister and I are working on Intercultural stuff for school. So far, it’s been really interesting to be lightly interacting with the women from Bridge to Life, but I’m really excited for when we get to interview the women and hear their stories. EEEE that’s gonna be so awesome!
  3. Time. I’ve been able to spend some sweet, quality time with my dad and stepmom and our other family members. I’ve laughed so much since I’ve been here, and it’s been great to catch my family up on what’s been going on in my life. Not to mention, we got my dad into The Walking Dead, and WE FINISHED ALL THE SEASONS. He now has to wait until October like the rest of us haha. And lately, we’ve been indulging in the show Graceland and OH MY GOSH IT IS SO GOOD AHH!
  4. Devotion time. I haven’t been able to have so much quiet time just reading my Bible and praying in a long time. But every morning for the past month-and-a-half, I’ve been able to do that. And starting my day off in this way has really helped me have a smoother day throughout. It’s been such a sweet time and I can already feel my spirit being stretched in ways it’s never been before.
  5. Reunited. I was able to briefly reunite with Taylor and her family in San Fransisco, and being able to go the aquarium on the same day and just walk around SanFran was awesome!

And so onto the hard things. The deep-down-in-my-heart things. The I-know-what-I’m-feeling-but-where-do-I-start things.

This is the last summer vacation I’ll ever have in my life. I’m going to be a senior in college this upcoming school year, and then I’ll be out in the world of work, work, and more work. Normally, I’d be working right now so I can have money for the school year for events, things I want, spring break, etc.

But right now, I’m unemployed. And I honestly feel very insecure about it. I’ve been applying to places in the area of California that I’m in, but nothing’s come up. The further we get into the summer, the less people are hiring for the summer and the more people they’re looking for during the school year. No job, no money obviously. And not having any money gets me worried and it stresses me out.

I expressed my worry to my dad and Honey (my stepmom), who both told me that I need to stop worrying and trust God. Honey agreed with me that this was my last summer to relax and “Selah”, and she actually pointed out that I probably have not had as much devotion time as I’ve had for the past month-and-a-half being in California and just taking it a day at a time. She then shared her personal experience about wanting to find a job super quickly when she and Dad moved out to California, but my dad told her not to worry and to just rest and trust that He would provide. And He did. After talking to me about her testimony, she printed out verses on “Confidence in God’s Providence” for me to read when I start to worry about where I am financially.

Dad constantly reassured me that God has got me, and that He knows what I need. He always brings up the birds: “If God cares for those birds out in the backyard, then He’ll surely take care of you.”

Of course, I’ve probably blogged about my worry before to you all. But Honey pointed out that this could be a time for my spirit to grow in this area of my life. I have gotten better about not worrying about some things, thanks to my mentor last semester who really walked with me through my worries of last semester (LOVE YOU, SARAH! 😀 <3)

But right now, I just feel out of place without a job. Everyone my age was working to have money for themselves, and even if I do have this internship, they’re probably wondering why I’m only going in one day a week and judging me because “that’s not enough time” (these things haven’t actually been said to me, but they’re things I, well, worry that people think of me).

Just yesterday I teared up because I was worried about my finances again and how this year would play out for me. I wanted my last year of college to be filled with fun adventures with my friends, and let’s be honest, most of those fun adventures include having money to pay for things.

And so, as I’m living out this summer one day at a time, I’m really trying to learn how to rely on God to provide what I need financially. Of course, that also means understanding that what I need and what I want are two different things. So I may have the money for a trip I need to go on for school, but I may not have the money to go to the concerts I want to go to. And it’s going to be SO HARD to have faith in His provision.

But if this is what I had to learn this summer, and if this summer is what I needed to get my spiritual life back together by studying the Word more and being more active in my prayer life, then it surely is NOT a waste. Because money comes and goes, but the Word of the Lord stands forever. And shoot, when I die, I can’t take whatever I have with me anyway. So it’s better to do the best that I can with what I have and to be faithful to God with it.

I want to make this clear that I’m not “pulling the God card” so I can get away with “being lazy” this summer. Yes, I do have times of rest (which is what I need before I get back to school), but I’m not just lazing around all the time in my PJ’s staring at the ceiling or my cell phone. In no way am I supporting laziness (even though I will admit, it’s hard to not be lazy!) or not giving any effort into what I wanna do this summer or for my future. I’m just taking baby steps, one day at a time as I strive to give God my worries and to trust Him with what my life is right now with no work and the other things I am doing, like interning or blogging.

And so, with about like a month-and-a-half left of the summer (SAY IT AIN’T SO!), I’m going to do my very best to not get discouraged and to keep the faith! 🙂

So, I don’t know when my next blog post will be, and I don’t know what it will be about. Maybe it’ll be something about KPOP since I haven’t blogged about it in a long time. Or about music in general. Or maybe it’ll be about fashion. Those who have followed me for a while know that I used to have a series of posts called “REVAMP” that I discontinued when the school year started back up and was supposed to restart it this summer. But because I have no money – no new clothes. Not to mention I could only bring so much with me to California, so I literally probably only have like a third of my wardrobe with me LOL.

Okay! I’ll leave you all alone for now! I need to go to bed anyway.

Maybe I can blog about my adventures in California so far. Would that be interesting? hmmmmm….


Mishy ❤

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