I read Psalm 13 yesterday, and it reminded me of myself, and how I felt the last six to seven months of 2016. In the Psalm, David is crying out to God, asking, “How long, O Lord?” The pain and affliction he felt can be read through his words, and I see my past self within them.
I see myself grasping onto hopes of love that weren’t there. I see myself shackled to my broken feelings. I see myself pining after someone with all the love I could give, expecting to feel loved in return, but being extremely disappointed when that love wasn’t given.
I see myself struggling to let go, despite knowing that I need to. Despite knowing that I”m making my spirit sicker and weaker by not allowing the Lord to handle it.
Verse 2 hit me like a train wreck…
How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Just, wow. This was me for so long.
Lord, please help me write words like David did. Words that can connect with humans emotionally, and bring them to You spiritually.
I remember after doing things my way for the longest time, I believe I finally got to a point that verses 5-6 express:
But I have trusted in Your steadfast Love; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.
Being where I am now, and looking back on those six to seven months, I understand now that I needed to go through that suffering in order for me to recognize my full dependence on the Lord. I pray that verses 5 and 6 in David’s Psalm 13 are my current attitude, and my attitude during the hard days and weeks. Learning to be more aware of how reliant I am on the Lord for everything.
And this morning I read Romans 5 in which verses 3-5 continued the thoughts of yesterday…
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
I think it’s so cool how God reminds us of who we were before, when we struggled with ourselves, with the Enemy, and how much that suffering taught us about ourselves and about Him.
It’s, of course, hard to rejoice in the suffering while we’re in it. But to see what it eventually produces – endurance, character, and hope – it’s beautiful.
I’ll close with a thought from Oswald Chambers in his book My Utmost for His Highest. I feel like it ties together all the thoughts of yesterday and this morning –
Sometimes God puts us through the experience and discipline of darkness to teach us to hear and obey Him.
Honestly, I feel like the call to obey the Lord can’t be made any more clearer to me. Even though as a Christian it’s common knowledge, it’s good to be reminded of where I’ve been, potentially why it happened, what I learned, and the fruit that can be produced from it in my life today.
Bless the Lord, O my soul.
💙 Mishy 🦋