With this past week coming to a close, I have so much going on in my mind.
So many thoughts, ideas, plans, and I want to execute them all at the same time. But a couple of days ago (or maybe it was yesterday?), I had to stop myself, take a deep breath, and tell myself that I needed to slow down.
Yeah, all the things that I wanted to do in my head seem like fun, amazing things to accomplish. And I keep telling myself that I really do have the time to do it all.
But just because I have the time do it all, doesn’t mean that it is time to do it all.
After talking to a good friend of mine tonight, he really made me realize that, yes, I have goals, but I need to come up with a game-plan to achieve those goals. Yes, working hard at what you can is important, but working hard is going to matter more if I’m working hard within a set plan, working toward something.
I had to be honest with myself in that I am super fearful of my dreams. I get very nervous when I am dealing with the things I love to do, because the perfectionist part of me doesn’t want to fail, and ultimately, I don’t want to start doing things or planning things, and get to the middle of it, or even get started and realize that I suck at it.
I cannot be fearful of the process though. I can’t be fearful of planning, or fearful of my own abilities or lack thereof.
I cannot be fearful because I am not called to fearfulness.
Something that really hit home with me during our conversation tonight was the fact that I was having the mindset of someone who was just waiting for something to be handed to me; waiting for a chance, or for something to just happen to me. And I thought that I wasn’t thinking like that in regards to the things I love to do, but after thinking through everything I feel like I’ve been having that mindset, but was just afraid to admit it.
Not that I haven’t been doing anything – I just haven’t been pushing myself hard enough. I haven’t been really asking myself the hard questions, or allowing myself to really sit and think about why I’m doing what I’m doing. In some cases, I knew why, but I really haven’t been willing to set out a full plan parallel to my “why.”
This is not to say that God can’t move in someone’s life without a plan. If it is His will, He can do something in my life, and it will ultimately bring Him glory.
But tonight, I’ve been challenged to prayerfully plan. To create a strategy, and pray over it, and seek counsel about it. And, even though I am admittedly fearful about it all still, I am stepping out in faith, and trusting that as long as I continue to seek God through this process, He will lead me.
💙 Mishy 🦋