“You’ve become so damaged
That when someone
Wants to give you
What you deserve
You have no idea
How to respond.”
~ page 190, Pillow Thoughts, Courtney Peppernell
As soon as I read this poem, I shut my eyes. Seems like a dramatic thing to do, something only people in the movies do when something they’ve read or experienced hits them so hard. Seems sort of cliche. But honestly, I’ve had this thought before, and even expressed it out loud when things seemed to be going great because I couldn’t believe it.
Thankfully, God’s been working on me this past year, and I’ve been able to let go of thinking of myself as “damaged” or “not good enough” or “not worthy enough” most of the time. But I don’t want to keep having this mindset that, when something good occurs, or when someone wants to be kind to me and care about me, that it’s just a waste of time because it will end up being
What I don’t plan on doing is getting into a situation blindly, and having unrealistic expectations (positive or negative). I will assess a situation, but I won’t automatically deem it as worthless, or deem myself as worthless just because something good is going to happen.
So, what about you? Do you tend to have a more negative outlook on life? Do you think that things will eventually go wrong, even if they seem to go right for once? If so, let’s break that habit: with the new year coming up, combat a negative perspective with a positive one. Instead of thinking, “This is too good to be true,” think, “Wow, I’m so blessed that this is happening in my life right now.” Having the positive outlook doesn’t guarantee that the good thing will stay good all the time, but at least you’ll be able to enjoy it while you can.
And remember to not put your hope and faith in that good circumstance, person, or whatever it is; putting faith in it means that all of your emotions and mentality is dependent upon that thing to stay good so you can still feel good, and we don’t want that.
Remember: you’re not damaged, luvvies. You are good enough and worthy enough, and good things occurring to you is not a result of these things anyway. They are a result of the Lord being faithful and gracious enough to allow those good things / people in your life.