It’s starting to really hurt, ya know?
Next week, my sister goes back to college for her last year, and it’s hit me that I’m not returning to all of that – dorm rooms, roommates, community bathrooms, class schedules. All of that is o v e r.
Okay, it hit me a while ago, but it’s just so weird. No school? What does life like that even look like? I’ve spent more than half of my life within the boundaries of school, everything revolving around institutions. And now, it’s time for me to go ahead, and try to make something of myself, of my life.
I’ve had friends before me pave the adulting way – giving me advice, telling me how great it is to not be in school studying, and now that I’m in it, I see what they mean. But some of them do feel that sense of loss; the feeling of a tight-knit community is no longer there, and they are craving for companionship.
I can totally feel that. In fact, I’ve been texting my best friends on a group text today, updating them on what’s been happening with me, and they’ve been exchanging updates as well, and it’s got me missing them more than normal.
I’ll be honest, I started this week with some major anxiety. The fact that I couldn’t tell you what my next move was going to be within the next couple of weeks really freaked me out. I delved into the Word, looking for consolation, and I prayed asking God to please just get me through this anxious wave I was encountering.
It was rough, y’all. But within that anxiety, God was gracious enough to reveal to me some steps I needed to take; some advice I’d been given that I just needed to listen to, and act on. And all of that resulted in some changes happening for me. Good things, I assure you. I think I’m just in awe of how fast things are happening, and how life just keeps going.
The fact that summer is basically over…it’s blowing my mind. Before I know it, it’ll be Christmas time, and things will be different yet again. Time is a crazy thing.
Looking back, though, it’s cool to see how far God has brought me, ya know? I can still think about my life back when I lived in Atlanta, and the different things that concerned me, that I was passionate about, that I was engaged in. From then to Savannah through high school, to Covenant through college, and now I’m living on Tybee Island with different concerns, passions, and activities. And I know that I’m still going to need a lot of help, support, and encouragement as life moves on.
And I don’t want the process of time going by, or life moving on to be seen as a negative thing. I think I wrote this on a previous post about change I put up on Sunday, but change is good. Seeing how time has gone by can be refreshing and encouraging, especially if you’re presently in a rough spot, and you need assurance that things will not be the way they currently are forever.
I think I was reminded of this fact as I tried burning pictures onto discs for my stepdad. And these pictures were of my family and I back in like…2011. Or earlier. That doesn’t seem too long ago, but I look at those pictures of me, and I think, Why was my hair like that? Who told me it was okay to go out of the house looking like that?!?!
And I think a big question I ask myself about the girl I see in those pictures is: Who was I back then?
To think about who I was, and the beliefs I had back then, and to compare that person to who I am now? Man, it just makes me shake my head in awe. God has brought me through a ton, y’all. He’s brought us all through different situations and circumstances. Seeing this and knowing this makes me grateful. It makes me believe that where I am now doesn’t define who I will become later. My cheerleading, high school self didn’t know who I’d presently be, and I don’t know who I’ll be ten years from now. And, even though that can be kinda scary, I long to live in the excitement of now.
I’ve been on a kick recently with interactive posts. I just like to know what y’all are thinking and experiencing as summer comes to a close, and you’re either going back to school, starting a new job, moving to a new place, meeting new people, etc.
You don’t have to tell me exactly what you’re going through right now. But what are your thoughts on the time passing by? Good? Bad? Scared? Excited? Ready to take on the world? Tell me in the comments below (if you can’t find the comments, try clicking on this post title and it will lead you to a page of this post only. At the bottom, there should be a space for comments).
One thought on “And Here I Am…”
C.S. Lewis Screwtape Letter #12 changed my life… forever loving the Present and being Present. Planning for the future is a major key… there’s definitely a level of wisdom with it all but I love the here and now whenever that here and now is. I can’t wait to see who I am by the end of fall semester 2016 and by the end of spring semester 2017. finna be lit.
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