Before I Begin…

It’s World Poetry Day, so it’s only appropriate that I post a poem here. I guess it’s more of a story poem.

Some of you know that I went to Nashville this weekend to be with my “brothers,” and to go to the William Singe and Alex Aiono concert. It was dope. I’m going to post an official Nashville travel vlog on my new YouTube channel hopefully by next Monday, but I’ll definitely still be blogging about that night because it was seriously a time to remember. The Lord confirmed so much for me then about who I am and about my writing, and I can’t wait to share my thoughts with you.

So onto this story-poem, yeah? It’s actually perfect because it’s currently storming where I am, and this poem takes place and was written during a storm.

The Storm

It was as if God Himself caused the weather to reflect the sins you committed that night.
I was unaware of your schemes, your plans but
Was awakened by the harsh pelts of rain that
Fell against my window with purpose,
As if to wake me up on purpose.
Afraid my window was open I
Pounced from my resting place,
And reached my hand beneath the space between the blinds
Once,
Twice,
Thrice just in case.
Then I scrolled through my phone because, well,
I lied down, and it was right next to my face.

As the thunder angrily rolled in the distance,
My eyes took in tweets and tweets and…
A message from my sister.
And what she wrote
Broke my heart so bad.
…I’ll say it again…
So bad my heart broke.
“Do me a favor,” she said,
“And don’t even look.
Don’t get curious,
Don’t look back.
It’s for your own good.
I love you.”

And with that signature of a heart that was,
Not purple, but blue,
I knew in my heart that what she said
Had to be true.

But, of course, my little mind couldn’t help but wonder.
My heart ached at the thought of you
Lowering your standards,
Breaking yourself.
I opened the app, and stared at your name
As the thunder continued to roll
Closer and closer
As if whispering your name.

In the midst of it all, I was reminded of myself
Who, only hours ago, lowered my own standards,
Devalued myself
Because I was broken and
Too concerned about how I was feeling, I was
Too lonely,
Too tired,
Felt too unworthy to trust my Maker
And decided to do things my own way.

So.

How could I judge?
So what if what you did was bad?
Would it be bad if what I saw
Made me think of you as
Less of a person?
Or even made me think
Less of you in general?

I closed the app.

And to my sister replied,
“Dang, was it that bad?
Honestly, I’m not surprised
That it could be worse right now.
But because you love me,
I trust you.
Thank you for thinking of me,
I love you.”

And sealed with a purple heart was my message sent.
And I closed my
Eyes, ears, heart, and mind
To whatever noise your sins created.
I wanted to know, but knew I shouldn’t.
I knew it was bad enough that
My wonderful sister reached out to
Spare me from you.

A person I knew loved me
Versus
A person who claimed to but
Never had the courage or willingness
To be a man and show it.

I chose the love I knew over
One you could never give me.
My heart still breaks for you.
But I won’t watch.
Whatever you did, is done.
Just like the storm that’s already past.

Just like me, who won’t look back.

#JustStartWriting

Mishy