I couldn’t sleep last night.
I was in this weird state – a state that wasn’t even equally divided between asleep and awake. It was as if I were on the outside of my body, feeling myself heavily breathing, wrapped around my sheets, desperately searching for the rest I needed. Yet, almost an hour later, and my body wasn’t at rest, despite the fact that my mind was extremely exhausted.
Why the beginnings of sleep for me last night were like this, I couldn’t tell you. Maybe it was anxiety or worry, or maybe it was caused by something I ate right before I went to bed. Whatever it was, it honestly scared me. It didn’t feel right at all; it felt like the most unnatural thing I’ve ever felt.
Thank the Lord He allowed me to fall asleep after that though. I woke up the next morning from deep sleep, wondering if what I’d gone through was just a crazy dream, or if it had been real. But I knew the answer – it was real, something like that was too vivid for me to believe it was a dream.
I still don’t have an answer as to why I experienced something like that, and I’m sort of scared to go to sleep tonight to find out that I may experience it again.
But after talking to some big brothers of mine, one whom has experienced weird sleep episodes like this, I feel a little better because of the advice he gave me.
I think it’s crazy though how we take something as simple as sleep for granted, and when it’s taken from us, we’re at a loss, wondering what we did wrong to deserve such a punishment. I hadn’t thought about this in a while, since my brother who normally has insomnia hasn’t had much trouble with it recently, but goodness. After experiencing that one episode, I can’t imagine having to deal with it every single night.
Truthfully, I didn’t really know where this post was going to go, but after I had that small conversation about my little episode and am thinking about it in comparison to my brother’s many episodes, I am thanking God just for the blessing of sweet sleep.
And ultimately, I want to say – be grateful for what you have and where you are. I know that you want to have things you currently don’t have, and you want to be somewhere other than where you are right now. I know this because I am like this a lot, yet I should be more thankful for the things I have instead of always craving more. That doesn’t mean I should stop striving towards my goals, towards something greater, or towards some dreams I have.
But it does mean that, as I’m striving, I need to be more aware of where I currently am, and more grateful for it.
Caylin and I had a conversation once that began when I asked her, “If we ever got famous, do you think we’ll miss times like this? Just being able to go out and get Chikfila without anyone ever bothering us?” And she immediately said yes. Because in that moment, we realized we had some things well-known people don’t have – freedom and privacy. So, even though we wished we were a little more known in our craft, it was interesting to realize that we’d miss where we currently are.
So, why not embrace it now? Why not embrace what you have and where you are right now?
Enjoy the little things – enjoy your food, enjoy your sleep, enjoy the life God has blessed you with.
💙 Mishy 🦋