What day is it? Saturday?
I guess, technically, it’s almost Sunday now. I know I should probably write these posts before two hours before midnight, but I just like living through a day, seeing what it holds, before I sit down to try to write here.
There have been a lot of things happening in light of the whole coronavirus thing. Things that are teaching me who I am, what I truly love, what I need to be the best me I can be. It’s easy to think that we know who we are as we go through life a day at a time. But sometimes, time goes by so quickly, and we’re so busy with everything that we don’t get to pause and reflect on if our needs and desires have even changed in our lives.
I honestly needed this time to remind me of who I really am. I feel like I’ve been settling for the “fast-food” version of myself instead of really delving deep. I had those deep moments every now and then during my on-the-go time before all of this social distancing, but being stuck in a place for a while, not really able to do much or go anywhere, it makes you reflect on the person you used to be, and who you are now.
signs of the times.
Time has been on my mind so much recently. I’ve been thinking about memories I had, some with friends, some with my boyfriend of almost two years, some with my family. I looked at my Facebook memories today, and a few pictures and posts popped up: one of them was promotion pictures from two years ago for my first poetry performance. The year before that, it was a picture of me inside the bathroom at my current job, only then it was my first spring working there.
I look at those posts, and I think back to those times, and who I was during them. I remember where I was in my poetry journey, and even in my motivational speaking. I remember the people I mostly interacted with, whether they were online or in person. I remember when things began to change for me, when I made decisions to make changes that would push me forward instead of holding me back.
And then I see my life now – the things I have, the people who are actively in my day-to-day, or even month-to-month because honestly, when things were normal I wouldn’t see some of my closest friends for a good few weeks or months. I’m grateful for where I am, but I know that I have to do things to change where I am into something greater. Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful for my life right now; I just know that I am not meant to stay stagnant here for very long.
So, as I’m social distancing to the best of my ability, I am reflecting on who I am, what I need, and what I desire. I’m acknowledging the things, people, and opportunities I do have right now, and am grateful for them. And I also acknowledge that I still have work to do in order for some of the visions in my mind to come to fruition. Work, but most importantly, prayer; seeking the Lord, and asking Him the best way to go about all of this. Honestly, the prayer part is where I am weakest right now. Even though I have all this time on my hands, it doesn’t mean I can’t get distracted by things. So my prayer life in itself is something I need to work on too!
And I hope that we all take some time during this pause of the world to do these things, and to put into practice a routine to better understand ourselves now, so whenever we’re placed back into “normal” times, we aren’t settling for the “fast food” versions of ourselves, but we know our past and present selves, and we strive to be better in the future.
How can you evaluate yourself in past, present, and future? What are some things you notice now that you feel like you wouldn’t have noticed in your busier times? How can you use this time to move forward in things you’ve dreamt of?