Behind the Words: “Cookie”

What do you find most attractive about yourself?

For the sake of this blog post, I’m asking the above question specifically about a physical part of yourself that you’re attracted to.

Why the emphasis on physicality? you may ask. Mishy, we’re already hounded by everyone about how we look – by ourselves, social media, our friends and family, the people at our schools and jobs…WHY would you try to make this post about HOW. WE. LOOK?

Because how you physically look doesn’t matter…but it does.

why physical appearance doesn’t matter…

Your physical appearance doesn’t (and shouldn’t) matter when it comes to how people treat you. Each and every person should be treated with genuine kindness regardless of what they look like.

Physical appearance also doesn’t/shouldn’t matter when getting a job or obtaining support for your craft. I was talking with my friend Jas (one-half of the music group KidzinaKorner) about this earlier this week when she pointed out that people who are more physically or aesthetically pleasing but not as talented will get more support, recognition, and love than someone who is super talented, but not as physically/aesthetically pleasing.

And GUYS. I don’t know about you, but that sucks. You know what it makes me feel like sometimes? It makes me feel like my poetry, my motivational videos, my blog, any of my creative work really, won’t be taken seriously enough unless I post videos of me twerking, or pictures of me looking all sexy with my butt cheeks hanging out, or if my face isn’t all done up, you get what I mean.

This isn’t to bash anyone who does post those aspects about themselves, but I know myself, my brand, what I stand for, and those things do not fit the bill. And I refuse to post those things just to get more followers, views, support, clout. Because then it wouldn’t be authentic; it’d just be an insecure move on my part to gain some sort of earthly success that, in the long run, doesn’t matter.

why physical appearance does matter…

With that rant over, I will say that your physical appearance does matter because it is a part of you! It’s one piece the Lord created you with to add to your unique, complex person, and it matters because you matter! And you should love what you have been given in this aspect, and take care of it.

That being said, everyone’s physical appearance matters, no matter what they look like – skin color, hair type, body shape, bare/made up face, piercings and tattoos, etc. And whatever someone looks like, we should embrace them for who they are, and not just define who they are by how they look. Because again – it’s just a PIECE of who that person is.

let me take a selfie…

{No, I definitely don’t miss that song, in case you were wondering.}

This week, I decided to have a little self-portrait session because it had been a while since the last time I did so. Of course, I thought about my color-theme for my Instagram, and how I could incorporate it, and what I could wear/how I could pose that was different from the things I’d worn, and poses I’d done before.

I decided on a head wrap, since I’d never attempted it before, and I also wanted to show as much of my brown skin as possible from the neckline up. And as I took the pictures, I will admit that I wasn’t thinking much about what I’m about to write to you now. But all the thoughts came as I was editing the photos, and planning what I was going to post and the meaning behind it all.

***You can find a couple of these self-portraits on my Instagram: @mishywrites

there is a RIGHT WAY to answer this question…

If I were to ask myself the question I asked you at the beginning of this post, I would answer that my hair is the most attractive part of me. And as I thought about the reasoning behind that I realized it was because it’s one of the main things I get complimented on when people see me. It’s also one of the first things that catches a person’s eye about me, probably because it’s so big.

But I answered that question based off of other people’s opinions of what they found to be an attractive part of me. So, I adapted my answer to fit that. But that would mean I didn’t answer the question correctly because it’s about what I think is the most attractive part of myself.

So, when I looked at the photos I took of me, with my hair tucked away in a headwrap, my bare face showing…I realized that there was so much more to me than just my hair. So much more I loved about myself, and was proud and grateful to have. Things I noticed that maybe other people didn’t notice right away (and I mean, can I really blame them, my hair does cover about 25% of me all the time lol), like my skin tone (which, I’d like to say is cookie-colored 😍🍪), my lips, the shape of my face.

healing’s a process.

If you’ve been keeping up with me lately, you will know that I’ve been healing from some self-love/self-esteem issues that had been eating away at me for months. Those negative thoughts not only affected how I viewed myself when I was alone, but it also affected how I viewed myself in my relationships, causing me to question what my friends or my boyfriend truly thought of me.

And I also became discouraged in my creative work, especially since I promote all the time on social media, and seeing so many attractive people succeeding merely for the fact that they were attractive while I was putting in long hours outside of my day-to-day job was disheartening. It made me feel like I wasn’t attractive since I wasn’t succeeding in that way, or making progress in what I wanted to do.

Honestly, I’m currently still doing so much healing because for thoughts like that to affect you so negatively that much for months means that the healing process has to take that same amount of time, and most likely, longer than that. There are moments when I feel like I’ve gotten over it, and then I’ll slip right back into doubting who I am. But it’s all a process, and I believe going through my social media cleanse, and doing this self-portrait session of myself have been just a couple of steps in moving forward from the self-doubt funk I was in.

And of course, writing about it privately, and even being able to share it here on my blog has helped a ton too! I hope my experiences are able to help you if you’ve ever felt like this before.

permission: granted!

So, I ask you again: What do YOU find most attractive about yourself?

And when I ask this question, this is a moment to brag on yourself. Seriously, I feel like people are so timid to say what they think is physically attractive about themselves for fear that they’re coming off as arrogant. But this is a moment for you to be confident, and to truly say what YOU find the most physically attractive about yourself.

Honestly, you don’t even need my permission to be confident in how you look, and who you are!

Go ahead! Say it out loud to yourself in the mirror, reflect on if it’s truly what you think is attractive about yourself, and not just because so many people have complimented you on that particular part of yourself.

Again, this isn’t to say looks are everything, but it’s just a part of who you are, and it allows you to really think on what you really love about yourself!

some answers from IG.

This post is almost over, don’t worry! I feel like this is definitely one of the longest ones I’ve ever written…

I just wanted to add that I asked this question on my Instagram story yesterday, and I got several mixed responses. Some answered with just physical characteristics, while others answered with personality traits and physical traits, but I’m going to share the answers (anonymously) on here so you can be encouraged, and begin to think of what your answers would be!

Two people answered: “My smile”
“My hair and eye color.”
“Physically? My lips. Lol! Otherwise? My tenacity and ability to be vulnerable with strength.”
“Ability to ask creative questions.”
“My inner child; my happiness to integrity and to innocence.”

If you’d like to share your answer in the comments below, please feel free! I’d love to hear what you have to say! 🙂

AND IF YOU’RE WONDERING WHERE THE POEM “COOKIE” IS…it’s on my Instagram page @mishywrites as the caption of the image of the cookie you see at the top of this blog post! I was going to add it onto the end here, but I feel like this post is long enough haha. So, if you’re curious, please go check the poem out as well!

Mishy 🦋

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