a little creative self-reflection.

Last week was a rough blog week. Honestly, despite what my social media posts might make you think, I was pretty exhausted due to work.

And when it comes to blogging, I’ve become way more tense about it than I used to be, and I’m trying to break out of that. I long to go back to the days when it seemed I wrote so effortlessly; somehow, I always found things to write about, even though my days during that time might have seemed monotonous: I worked the same job, did the same things after work, and didn’t have any friends to really hang out with.

I guess I want to have that sense of observation back, that sense of creativity. And truthfully, I feel like every time I put a new blog out, I’m doing too much; like who’s really gonna read a blog post from me every single day?

But I realize that I can’t try to force that creativity back into my life, and maybe I needed that reflection of my world every day in that season of my life, but I need a new sense of creativity now. And I need to be able to embrace where I am right now.

Time to Be Vulnerable: How I’ve Truly Been Feeling

1) Spirit of Overwhelm 😣

I’ve felt overwhelmed recently when it comes to all the things I’m working on. Literally, when I’ve sat down to write my plans or outlines for my content or whatever it is, it’s like I’m paralyzed.

The spirit of overwhelm hit me for a couple of reasons: one being because I have a lot of different things I want to accomplish

I didn’t want to admit it, but it was really getting me down; it made me feel like I couldn’t handle being a creative anymore if I couldn’t simply jot down things I needed to accomplish.

As I drove to church yesterday, that phrase hit me: “spirit of overwhelm.” Because it’s presence had had a major chokehold on me for a few weeks, not just last week. And it was causing me to put my faith in what I can do versus putting my faith in what God can do.

2) Impatience 🙄

Starting from ground zero again here on the blog can be exciting, but also frustrating. It’s hard not to think back to all the hard work I’d put into this a few years ago that resulted in so many views and follows. Admittedly, a small part of me felt like maybe if I was consistent for just a couple of weeks, I’d be back to where I was.

But like anything, when you’re starting at the bottom (whether for the first time or starting an existing project all over again) , you have to build to get back to the top. And that building requires consistency, something that my spirit of overwhelm and impatience has hindered me from truly having.

So, instead of getting impatient with the process, I have to roll with it. I have to be willing to keep working despite not seeing the results now, and trust that, if it’s God’s will, my consistency will make this grow.

3) Mixed Motives 🔀

And in the paragraphs above is yet another issue: my motives. Am I aiming to just get follows and likes, or am I aiming for people to connect with what I’m saying? To feel like they aren’t alone in how they may be feeling? I’ve had to reassess myself more recently because I don’t want what I’m doing to just be about instant/social media gratification. I want it to mean and be more for God first and foremost, and then for other people, not for myself.

4) Lack of Confidence 🥀

I’m realizing my lack of confidence shows to some people. If you were to simply take me at face-value i.e. Instagram or Facebook, maybe you’d think I’m super confident in myself. And while I am in some areas, I definitely lack confidence in other areas. My craft being one of them.

But I know this lack is due to the fact that I’m relying too much on what I can do, and not on what God can do. My confidence should rest in Him, and not in myself or my abilities to do/or not do things.

Well, that’s where I am right now! Just being real with y’all because life isn’t always smiles and motivational speeches or posts. Sometimes it gets hard. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be hopeful in the changes God can make in our lives if we simply go to Him with the issues!

Below are pictured the changes I aim to experience as this new month has begun! Just stating these things isn’t the solution, and I know I’ll have to work hard, but I’m determined to give all I can, and to trust God more and more!

So, whether you’re a creative or not, answer these (either on your own or in the comments)…

What are some areas you need to work on? Is it easy or difficult to be vulnerable with where you truly are right now in your craft, business, or life in general? What steps are you taking to change?

Mishy 🦋🌱

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